Alexandra "Alfonso" Devlin and Lori "Lawrence" Gottlieb have picked up their 'wise beyond their years" asses and moved them to the other side of the country. But not just to any other side of the country, this be Los Angeles Bitches. Read um and weap.
I believe it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said "Television will enlighten your mind, Reality Television will eat your soul."
Today I decided I want to be a reality television star/ sleezey celebrity, below I will list thy reasons why:
1. They are the only people who are released from prison within 3 hours.
2. They are the only people who are released from prison within 3 hours and then can continue the act which got them there on national television.
3. There behavior is not a shock when you read it on Us Weekly because you saw it on the season preview.
4. They make hypothetical sex tapes, yet no ones seen them?
5. They can drink rum and coke with a stirrer.
6. They have blackberrys that are permanently on speaker... (how do I apply this setting?)
7. They cry and America believes it. And they feel sorry for them.
8. They can light shit on fire
9. They can end every sentence in a snicker or smirk and no one says shit.
10.They NEVER have to eat Mexican food.
11. They only have to PRETEND to work at really awesome jobs.
12. They don't actually have to be friends with their friends, only pretend friends with their friends.
13. They get to film one day of their lives over the course of six weeks, and its usually like a really awesome day, so ... FUN! (who doesn't want to go to Osh Kosh BiGosh 3 days in a row to shoot you buying overalls while discussing the unborn child of your fake ex boyfriend).
THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY I WANT TO BE MILEY CYRUS.
I would like to welcome you all to a sneak peak into the lives of Lori and Alex. Unfortunately, before we begin I must admit that Alex has decided to not fully take place in the blog, and by take place, I mean she will want to participate a week from now, and when MTV gives us a reality show, but right now at 11:12pm on April 8th 2009, she has declined her participation in what will soon be the most infamous story of a blog in Los Angeles.
Hence the kept title "The Lori and Alex Lose Their Dignity Show".
Welcome friends, this marks the beginning of a new era, for you, me, the beginning of my successful blogging career, and Los Angeles.
So far Los Angeles hasn't been handling us to well, but we are doing JUST fine.
Alex works in talent development at E, Lori works for Sony Pictures TV Casting. Life is good. Los Angeles gets pissed that we can't play with it every night of the week, but we have explained to it that Auntie Alex and Auntie Lori are trying to make it in the world of Entertainment and in order for that to happen we must put in our time of free labor and 4 hour classes. Yup. 4.
But when we can play with Los Angeles, it goes home crying to its Mommy weaping, MAKE IT STOP!
Last weekend: Conga Line+ Social on Sunset.
Pretty sure that is the first time this renovated mansion of a club has seen or ever heard of a Conga Line. I am pretty sure that is also the first time a Conga Line was preformed to a version of Kanye West's "Heartless", but really who is keeping track? (Fishsticks? Anyone?)
Other than that, I'm pretty sure the general consensus of Social= Headline of the LA Times "HUGE CLUB TRAGEDY! 200 GUESTS FALL THROUGH DANCE FLOOR TO THEIR GRAVES", for those of you who have ever been there, you feel for my uneasiness of the 19th century construction of the, I'm sure, premeditated dance floors.
But ANY HOOT AND HOLLER. Alex and I have completely slacked thus far into the journey of the LA life and style. Here is a boxer and briefs update on what Alex and I have been doing since January to bring us to the point where we are now, transitional hell (we will get to that).
Alex:
Picnic Table Shirts
On Chelsea Handler
35 Visitors
Slept on a street corner
Won the Lottery
Went Bankrupt
Won the Lottery again
Her shoes hurt
Told Spencer from the Hills he was a pussy.
Got a sunburn
Hit on Jack Sparro
Kicked it with OTown, yes ladies READ UM AND WEAP.
Played some serious Laser Tag
Lori:
Made a guy fall off his motorcycle
Danced with a 60 year old Chinese Man
Got stuck in a paparazzi storm with the Kardashians
Kicked it with Chevy Chase
Adopted a starfish
Climbed some mountains
ALMOST did Stuart's Mom impression for Stuart's Mom (but chickened out)
AND WE BOTH ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A PACK OF WILD COYOTES.
These were all with the help of some of the most ridiculous friends two girls could ever ask for.
Many of which wear snuggies and do Yoga at local bars. This is of course just to name a few.
Hope this catches you up. Next up for Lori and Alex. Graduation, Finding PAYING jobs, Getting our own reality show, Getting our own apartments, Getting a cat so I can name it "Dewey, the Library Cat".
For those of you who watched Lost tonight, DONT SPOIL IT THROUGH YOUR FACEBOOK.
Twitter it all you want, Lori and Alex have officially protested the website, out of pure prevention of having another online outlet that will destroy more of our playing outside time.
As much as I love all of you who use it, I'm sure I would update you with some valuable, (perhaps too valuable) information such as, "taking the key from the fake rock to the left of the fig tree outside of Liza Nedelman's apartment so we can have a rager" to "taking a really long pee, will update upon return".
On that note, I will leave you all with a proverb, something I liked to give my roommates before bed when I lived in a huge castle in the Netherlands (for further clarification please witness proceeding clip).
"A hen never leaves her eggs in a basket, for baskets are made of straw".
